I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
