Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
