Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
