It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
