I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
