is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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