why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
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I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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