all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
