he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
