I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
