Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
