U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
