you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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