I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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