i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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