jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
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We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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