i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
