If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
