ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
