he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
