Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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