What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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