I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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