yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
