So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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