Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's blow job season.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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