I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
