Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
