i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
