my sisters under your porch take her home
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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