his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he fucked my hip out of place.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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