We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
