i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
