spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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