Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I will be naked everywhere
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
