im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
that's an acceptable place to lick
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
