just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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