I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
