went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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