but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
