Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i believe in u and ur pee
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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