too bad you live with your parents still
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
