I should be sponsored by Trojan
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Alive.
So much puke
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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