so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
