she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
