Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
