he wants to bone in the snuggie
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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