My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
