the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
