and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
