I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
