yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
