he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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