I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
