We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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