The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
