In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize