i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
