Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
