He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
