Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
