the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
