I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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