he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
