he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
