I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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