I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
