saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
