I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
