I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
