We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
