Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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