Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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