The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
