I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We need to get me chipped asap
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
