Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
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I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
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By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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