you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
