ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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