So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
