and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
