Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
