o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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