I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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