She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
