just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
