Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
