What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
