Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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