You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize