Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
