it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
