Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
